" It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into" ~Unknown
Chapter 4, a dedication to my boys who are my life
& my entertainment!
In my short life span, I have learned so much. I have made
mistakes. I have too many regrets. I have seen things, done things, and spoken
words I wish I could just forget and take back every stone that I had tossed. I
have fell flat on my face more times than I can count. But, as stubborn as I am,
(that's a Curtiss trait...Don't touch it!) I have always gotten back up! But, if there is one super power I could have
as a mother it would be to spare my boys from making the mistakes I have made.
Unfortunately that can’t be done and so all I can do is write what I have to
say and pray that they (somehow) listen! And so…
To my boys,
Mom is proof that every broken heart can be mended.
And although some wounds will never heal, YOU have more strength then
you will ever give yourself credit for. I
know that at times mom seems unfair & mean, but the truth is, the day you
were born is the day I dedicated my life to you & promised myself I would never let you make my mistakes. I promised I would give you all your wants and
needs. I never wanted to see you hurt or in pain. And as much as I tried to
invent that perfect little bubble to protect you when I wasn't around; it just
couldn't be done. ((and Dylan, my little klutz, we both know you need that
bubble!!))
To build the strength you will need to carry you throughout your
life, you have to experience heartache.
Understand it and accept it. And
you have to fall before you can get back up.
And mom will always be there to help you, guide you and give you the
best advice I can!
And so, even though mom loves to read poems and inspirational stories,
I was never really good at writing them! But, here is poem #2 that mom has ever
wrote. These are the things mom has learned and someday you will have your own
list of the things you have learned- no matter how much I try to protect you!
Friends…
Growing up I
have learned, to never hide your happiness just because your friends may be
going through a rough time. I have learned, to tell the
differences between a “best friend” and just a “friend”. I
have learned, you should
never have to fight for a friendship that you thought was once there. I
have learned, life will take you in different directions and when it
doesn’t include you, you will find out that clearly, you were only in their
life for one reason! I have learned that
true friendships really are forever. I
have learned, the friends you love the most will be the first to hurt you. I have learned, happy moments always begin
with smiles, but will end with a tear.
Life…
I have learned, if you let
it fly & it comes back, it truly is yours to keep. I have learned, you will
be told more lies then the truth, and every heartache will hurt worst then the
last one. Truth is, we just forget how much it hurts until we experience
another heartache. I have learned, that
time doesn’t heal all wounds; time just teaches us to live without. I have learned that once a child loses a
parent you will dread the father/daughter mother/son dance at every wedding you
attend. I have learned, goodbyes truly
are forever. I have learned the past, regrets, and mistakes do not define a
person. I have learned, it’s never too late to spread your wings and fly and
when that time comes, never be afraid. I have learned, to always live on a wing
& a prayer. I have learned while slacking off in high school may carry you
to the end, slacking off in college however, does not carry you. I have learned the fastest debt you will
obtain is college loans. I have learned,
on an ordinary day, life can be extraordinary. I have learned, the future will
always be unclear and infinite no matter how much time we spend chasing our
dreams.
Children…
I have learned, there is only once
chance at being a parent. I have learned that we are the ones to mold our children. Therefore; if I want my children to succeed, I have to succeed myself! I have learned, we will spend the next
eighteen years building our children’s wings but, never truly want them to fly
when the time comes. I have learned, children
really do tell the truth even at the moments you don’t want to hear it. I have learned that match box cars can be
shoved in every nook and corner and building blocks will never be flushable. I
have learned that crayons do not look like the colors of the rainbow in the
wash machine mid through its cycle. I
have learned despite what the directions say on a new toy, mom is doing it
wrong! I have learned that silence never
has a good outcome with a toddler. I
have learned a toddler in a walker against a cockatiel, is a sure sign the cockatiel
will lose all tail feathers. I have
learned that “not me” is an imaginary friend who will show up every time to try
to save your child. I have learned adult
conversations are truly needed two-three times a day. I have learned to never argue with a six year
old. There is just no winning with a six
year old and by the age of nine they have already developed your stubbornness, and
you won’t win that argument either. I
have learned, that”no,” “maybe,” “I don’t know,” and “we’ll see,” actually means
to ask again in five minutes. I have learned that after having children, you are guaranteed free hugs and kisses for
life.
Love…
I have
learned, to always expect the unexpected. I have learned you are only “in love”
once in your life, all the other times you “claim” you were “in love” will
never compare to one time when you truly fall in love. And if you disagree, you
have yet to be “in love”. I have learned that we write our lives in pencil but
always seem to write our love stories in ink and we will have more sub-titles
about love, rejection, and heart aches than any other chapters in our
lives. I have learned, that time cannot
be erased. The pain will always be there,
and as long as you are still in the chapters in your life that leave you
unhappy, the wounds will never heal. I have learned that love cannot be
forced. I have learned, you will always
be told “the strong stay.” Well, from my
journey I disagree. I believe, it takes
more strength to walk away and it’s the weak that stay. I have learned, to never be afraid to love
again after you have lost all hope. I have learned that a “perfect day” truly
does exist.
© 2011 Karen
Engle
Note: The video is not 27minutes long!